I recently heard someone at a party say they were “pro-gossip”. It really took me aback that someone would dare utter such an unnuanced position while drunk to their friends, so we must set the record straight.
I think the pro-gossip argument is that gossip is good for a community’s immune system — e.g. if a guy was a creep/pervert towards you, it’s probably good to warn your friends about him. This is clearly true in some cases but like, not all gossip is like this.
Benevolent gossip
Assuming you’re not breaking anyone’s trust, and are not saying anything that is false or misleading, I think the following (non-exhaustive cases) are generally fine or good:
Warning others that someone is bad news (explicitly or through an anecdote that showcases it)
Sharing a life update/fact about someone that the person in question is okay with people knowing, or actively wants to be spread (e.g. “I heard X and Y broke up” or “I heard such-and-such transitioned”)
Gossiping with a friend who has no connection to any of the parties involved (e.g. telling family gossip to a coworker)
“Gossip” you are personally involved with or affected by, often which you’re seeking advice or emotional support for (this is arguably not gossip, just telling people about your life)
Anonymized gossip
Gossip that is sufficiently funny1
Generally, good gossip is ethically sourced (i.e. not obtained via a false promise of secrecy), mostly or entirely true, and either harmless or helpful (much like Claude, allegedly).
Evil gossip
In contrast, I think bad gossip generally falls into one of these categories:
Gratuitously critical/unflattering gossip: Saying things that are mean, make someone look bad, or would embarrass the person — when no one is better off as a result of this info being shared
Example: Telling everybody that someone you all know suffers from a rare form of erectile dysfunction
Intentionally provocative gossip: Saying something that is primarily intended to sow discord by upsetting (or otherwise getting a negative reaction out of) people involved
Example: “Btw, X person used to be into your boyfriend before you two started dating”
Irresponsibly shared gossip: Saying things that are misleading, overly speculative, unsubstantiated, exaggerated, likely to be severely distorted given the source you heard it from or degrees of separation between the source and the parties involved, etc
This can be fine if you give some kind of disclaimer that you’re not totally sure it’s true, but (a) people are bad at updating based on this and (b) the gossip will probably be repeated and get more distorted with each repetition. So I think in most cases, you’re likely spreading misinfo in expectation
Unethically sourced gossip: Sharing things that were told to you in confidence, or where you’re otherwise breaching someone’s trust/privacy by sharing them
Evil gossip is obviously bad for not just the person in question, but also like, destructive to “community health” and “epistemic norms” and “maintaining trust”. What people think about someone matters, and inflicting damage on someone’s reputation for the short-term, monkey-brain pleasure of making people go “omg whattttttt no wayyyyyy” is bad.
Besides, many people (including me) will trust you less when they know you have such loose lips, so in a lot of cases I think that makes it -EV for the disseminator as well. And you might make enemies for saying weird shit about people. Keep your side of the street clean, kids!
The wisdom to know the difference
I think people generally know what they’re doing here. Unlike good gossip, spreading evil gossip feels icky — like, you have a feeling you’re doing something bad — because you are doing something bad. Usually the intent is either to shock people (and you dgaf about the harm it may cause), or you lowkey kind of do want to stir the pot, make people upset, cause drama, etc (i.e. the harm is sort of secretly your intention).
If you’re the kind of person that has a hard time gauging your own intentions like that, you can also ask:
1- Would anyone be upset or harmed by you sharing this information? If yes, is there some benefit to sharing this info that outweighs that (e.g. your friend being less likely to be sexually assaulted)?
2- Are you communicating it appropriately? Is it ethically sourced? Have you formally stated your precise epistemic status?
This whole post is probably (hopefully?) obvious after I put it like that, but sadly not everyone has a framework like this that they consider before partaking in such divulgence (including some people I would expect know better).
#GossipResponsibly
for my comically challenged readers, this is a joke!
Incredible footnote
Ethically sourced gossip. Now that’s a great turn of phrase, I love it